HOW MANY TIMES CAN I SAY IT?

This morning when I came down at 5 am the kitchen was a mess and the coffee pot was not made, both of which are the job of my oldest son. I have been letting him do the dishes before he goes to bed at night and sometimes I go up before him because well I have been up since 5am and I have homeschooled four children and taken care of five children(baby is too small for school) fed them cleaned up after them and tried to run the house and help with my husbands buisness, so I am tired. I have trusted him to finish his jobs but he has not been holding up his end of the bargain. So today he is grounded from his favorite thing - Rune Scape - Lord I hate that flipping game! And he just gave me the biggest bunch of attitude over it, " oh the coffee pot like that is so hard that you couldn't do it in the morning" It took every effort I had not to come up out of my chair and slap him silly. I tried to explain that it isn't the difficulty of the job it is the fact that he didn't do the job he was assigned. I have tried to instruct them however there are days when I feel like a complete faiure with all of them. Somedays they are so rude and they talk to me like I am someone who doen't matter. I feel sad and worn out and discouraged and I want to run away. I want to cry all of the time and I feel like they don't love me or respect me or even care about how I feel. You know how whenever you see kids on sports teams on TV and they are waving and smiling and saying "Hi MOM" I feel like my own children would never do that. I don't know how to teach them any better than I am right now, I pray but I also feel like I am not a good enough Christian for God to even listen to. He has better people to worry about and people with problems far greater than mine. This has been a hard morning and it is only 11:06 am. I feel like I say the same things over and over, and really how many times can I say it? You have responsibilities in our home, we are a large family with so much going on that one person can not do it all. I am not superwoman, I can't do it all and I really don't want to. I need help and I want help and I want a vacation. If I didn't have this place to vent I would probably explode!

Winter continues

So winter seems really long now, we just had snow again over the weekend. Of course my oldest son loves it because he and his friend, who is 16, go out plowing snow. His friend has his own suburban and has put a plow on it and they go around and take care of peoples driveways, they love it . All I know is my driveway is usually the last to get done, but whatever. The trees look really pretty with all of the snow on them but once it starts to melt a bit it will take on that grey dirty look that everything gets when the snow melts. I wishit could just dissapear instead of melt then I would be happy to have the snow. Tomorrow is the last day of February so spring is what 22 days away? It sure doesn't look like it outside. My middle son is going into the Hockey playoffs and my oldest is gearing up for baseball. Things are always busy here. Oh and my second son says "He is cool". My fourth son is in his room right now and grounded, he is being dissrespectful and rude and the baby is just being the baby. I am being monitored by my three oldest boys so I can't continue, they want lunch and I have to go get it going.