Christmas is coming, again

I try to get up for the holidays but it is hard. Especially when there is so very little money for decorating and gifts. Yesterday was my anniversary - 18 years I have been married to him. He sent me a centerpiece for the table, it is christmas looking with evergreen and white flowers and a candle in the middle. He said on the card "Think Christmas" all I can think about is all the stuff I haven't done. I guess it was thoughtful of him to send flowers, however we really don't have money for extras and I told him not to buy me anything. So then I had to give him the book I bought him for Christmas. I didnt even have a card for him. It seems as I get older holidays and birthdays and special occasions just don't hold their luster like they did when I was a kid. I think it changed when my daughter died at birth, I have tried to get over it but every day I think about her still and it has been seven and a half years. I think it has stymied my emotional expression. I just don't care like I used to. I feel like, nothing I do is going to matter that much anyway, so why bother. I used to send cards for every little thing, kept a stash just in case something came up for someone that warranted a card, now I am luck if I even send a Christmas card. I didn't last year. I used to make gifts for people and I was so into the holidays, now I just don't have the energy. I want to feel good again. I want to care like I did before. I wish I knew the answers, I tried ask Jeeves but he doesn't know shit.